My column thingo

Josh Yount

Mrs. Cronin

English

19/62/2012

21 Reasons Why You Should Have Cherry Cola Wherever You Go

In the style of Benjamin Franklin

1.     If you are running from an angry giraffe because you just hit on his hot giraffe wife, you can drink a cherry cola to avoid passing out due to dehydration.

2.    If you wander into an old submarine found in the Amazon, and you find vicious tribal people inside that are trying to kill you, you can defend yourself with the cherry cola bottle.

3.    If you end up getting locked in a closet for a few hours, having a cool, refreshing bottle of cherry cola makes the closet a much more fun and relaxed place to be.

4.    It’s really fun to sit up high on a tree with a bottle of cherry cola.

5.    You’ll get all the girls.

6.    At a job interview, they might spot you carrying a cherry cola, and hire you on the spot due to your great taste in carbonated beverages.

7.    All the boring people who carry around regular cola will be jealous of your extra cherry flavor.

8.    Go down to a local park with a girl of your choosing, take a canoe out on a lake, and bring an extra cherry cola for her to drink on the canoe ride. Don’t bring her back to shore until she agrees to marry you. Works every time.

9.    Avoid underage drinking and peer pressure by coming to parties with a cherry cola. No one will offer you a drink if you’ve already got one in your hand!

10. The next time you wake up lost in the bushes at a sketchy part of town without your hair or your wallet and with no energy to find your way home, take that cherry cola out of your pocket for the kick you need to jumpstart your day!

11.  It will help you find the perfect dog companion.

12. With every drop of cherry cola you drink, you become closer to Jesse Hughes of the Eagles of Death Metal. How cool is that!

13. The number 13 is no longer unlucky with cherry cola.

14. If you’re ever stranded on an island in the middle of the Atlantic, you can write a message on the wrapping outside of the bottle, put it inside the bottle, tie it to a bird with one of your shoelaces, and wait to be rescued.

15. Grass is always greener when watered with cherry cola.

16. You’ll probably get diabetes anyway.

17. You’ll never get mugged because only the toughest of men carry cherry cola. Muggers will see you running and be like “give me all you got!” and then you’ll pull out your cherry cola and they’ll be like “woah sorry man, we got the wrong guy.”

18. Every time you don’t drink cherry cola, a baby dies.

19. Makes a great salad dressing.

20.The next time you feel kinda down because you just watched that opening scene in Up, when the old guy’s wife dies, a cool, refreshing cherry cola is just what you need to keep the positive attitude that gets you through life.

21. It tastes good.

Blog Reflections

 This trimester, I read one book, which met my goal. I did not use Goodreads very often for suggestions of books, I found out about the books that I read, or at least started to read, through other people. My friends suggested John Dies at the End, which was funny just like they said, but the plot turned to be not my kind of story, and it was very long and seemed to drag on about the same things for a while, which I didn’t like, so I stopped reading that book and picked up The Magician’s Nephew, which was written by C.S. Lewis, an author that my sister suggested to me. The hardest part about blogging for me was reading the book. I don’t read a lot and it is sometimes hard for me to sit and focus on one thing at a time. I overcame this by telling myself “Okay, you need to read at least one book. As soon as I go home, I’m just going to binge read, and not do anything else.” And that’s what I did, I went home and read and read and read until I got into it enough to direct all my attention towards it, and I finally finished the book, The Magician’s Nephew. One strength I had with blogging is that all of the different prompt options allowed me to open up my inner self, and let the creativity and magic flow into the blog post, which I found enjoyable and I think it allowed me to use a lot of my own voice when blogging.

            This trimester, I have grown in the ability to closely analyze a text. At the beginning of the trimester, it had been so long since I had read that it took an extra amount of effort to understand what the sentences meant and it was harder for me to be able to think about what I have read. Since then, I have been able to quickly pick up on the meaning of each sentence, which has allowed me to make better connections with the text. At the beginning of the year, I compared Dave’s character to my dad’s washing machine and John’s character to sushi. This wasn’t a bad analysis, but what I based my comparisons off of were things that the story told me word for word. For example, I said: “He is also similar to my dad's washing machine because he describes himself as kinda ugly and wouldn't be most people's first choice. My dad's washing machine is really plain looking and so is David.” I did not have to dig very deep to make that conclusion; it was something that the text told me word for word. In a more recent blog post, I did a text to text comparison between John Dies at the End and Plato’s allegory of the cave. In this blog post, I talked about things that the text didn’t so obviously give me, and connected it to the allegory of the cave. For example, I said: “That special Ebin represents Dave and John, and he leaving the cave represents Dave and John taking the drug that let them see more than the world they were familiar with... They had discovered that there is a whole new world out there, and this discovery changes their lives forever.” This quote demonstrates my ability to read something and understand more than just what the words are saying. The book never said that the discovery changed their lives forever, but it was something I got from thinking about what was being said in the text. These two examples show that I have grown in my ability to analyze a text by pointing out that I used to only see what the text told me word for word, and now I have gained the ability to make my own conclusions. Links: http://joshssuperswagtasticreadingblog.blogspot.com/2013/12/john-dies-at-end-again.html http://joshssuperswagtasticreadingblog.blogspot.com/2014/01/why-john-dies-at-end-is-important-to.html

I'm blogging again and this time a different book.

I lost hope in finishing John dies at the End. I still had like 400 pages and I pretty much only read like maybe 20 pages a week because it's just really hard to focus on something for more than a few minutes at a time. But recently it was christmas, and my sister told me to buy her books by C.S. Lewis because she liked him and needed a book for when she went back to school, and I wanted CD's because I have a spectacular CD collection. So she took me to half price books so we could get each other what we wanted, only I never left the CD section so she actually had to buy her own gift from me to her. But anyways, I was at my place of residence and I was looking for a book to read because it was like 2:00 in the morning and I don't think about what I'm doing at 2:00 in the morning, I just do whatever feels right. On my bookshelf I saw The Magician's Nephew by C.S. Lewis and I was excited because it was by that one author that my sister liked and it looked tremendously shorter than John Dies at the End. So I picked it up and went back up the ladder to my bed, because my bed is a loft bed and has a ladder, which was awesome when I was ten but now I just hit my head a lot. Then I turned on my touch lamp because I am a privileged person who owns a touch lamp, and I went on a journey inside the book.

The book is pretty great, I'm only on page 31, but so far it has lit the light bulb that is my mind. There's these two kids and they're in London, which is already awesome because Britain is awesome and their accents make me giggle,  and they meet because the guy is really sad because his life sucks. Then the girl is like "well lets go on some adventures!" and they do, they adventure up in the attic and build a fort and stuff, and then they discover that they can go to other peoples apartment things through the attic, so they try to go to an abandoned apartment but they actually go into the forbidden room in the boy's apartment and then his crazy uncle finds them and tells the girl to take a ring, and she does but then she disappears which is kinda unfortunate. So then the guy yells at his uncle and his uncle rambles about magic and stuff and about how he's above rules because he's a genius, and then the boy touches the rings too so he can disappear and save the girl. And thats pretty much where I am right now.

Also my book is by the guy who wrote the book that was turned into the movie that says "FOR NARNIA!"
and I like SpongeBob a whole lot.

Apparently I need to Blog Again for the Blizzard Bag Thing.

I recently did a summary for this book, and to be honest I haven't read very much since that summary. Since Dave left the police station because his recently deceased friend John told him too through a bratwurst, he went to Bob Marley's trailer. Bob was the guy who gave John the evil drug that killed him. At the house, there was a weird but beautiful painting thing, that wasn't completely a painting because it used things in the house, such as the sofa and its pattern. Then he discovered a secret hole underneath the trailer that had dead bodies and a giant worm thing. That was pretty freaky. Finally, Morgan Freeman the cop comes to the trailer to burn it down with Dave in it, because, as he explains to Dave, it was so freaky that he just has to completely get rid of the trailer and Dave.
                                                    
So far in Romeo and Juliet, I have found that I actually like the story. One thing I have really liked is how well Shakespeare uses characterization. I feel like I know how each character thinks, and when reading the story, I often think of people in my life that act like the characters in the play. I also like how nothing in the text seems to mean nothing. Like sometimes when I'm reading it, I'm kind of like "why is this in here, that's kind of a dumb thing to put in the story.". But it always has a point. Most of the time the things that I initially think are pointless turn out to be a key part of characterization. For example, how much the nurse rambled about her dead daughter shows that she thinks about her daughter a lot, which is probably why she is so proud that she knows Juliet better than Lady Capulet, because to the nurse Juliet is a replacement for her daughter. As I read Romeo and Juliet, I have discovered that there are many things that I did not know about the story, even though I've known the general plot for a very long time. I am excited to find out more about the story that I did not already know.

Why John Dies at the End is Important to Life

I am about to blog so hard on how John Dies at the End relates to another text that I read once. I'm 'bout to go deep, yo.

The Beginning: In the juicy novel that is John Dies at the End, the main characters Dave and John start out as average human beings, living average lives. They both thought that what they were experiencing was all that there was to life. But then, Dave and John try this trippy new drug that makes them see everything differently. They suddenly knew everything they wanted to know, and gained the power to communicate with the dead. They had discovered that there is a whole new world out there, and this discovery changes their lives forever. Oddly, this relates to some philosophy that I read this one time, Plato's Allegory of the Cave. In the Allegory of the Cave, there are a bunch of people chained to a wall in a way that they cannot move, not even their heads side to side. Because I am currently listening to a song called Ebin, I will now refer to the chained beings as the Ebins. The only source of light in the cave is a fire behind the previously mentioned Ebins. There are also other people in the cave, who are not chained. I will call them the Sanchos, because it's my blog and I can. The Sanchos are apparently really evil people, and instead of unchaining the Ebins so they could live normal happy lives, they just put things in front of the fire, so that shadows of those things will be displayed on the wall in front of the Ebins. Since the Ebins can't move their heads, these shadows are all they will ever see for their entire lives. These shadows are their life. They don't know anything else but the shadows. They would name the shadows, and play guessing games with which shadows they think will come next, and the Sanchos just watch. Then one glorious day, the Sanchos set the Ebins free. Most Ebins just stay where they are, because everything else but the shadows are confusing to them. They can't walk, and seeing the other humans and the rest of the cave confuses them. But maybe one Ebin crawls out of the cave. This lucky guy now knows what the world is really like. That special Ebin represents Dave and John, and him leaving the cave represents Dave and John taking the drug that let them see more than the world they were familiar with. The Ebin now knows anything he could have wanted to know in his past life, just like the drug let Dave and John know everything they wanted to know about their past lives as average human beings. And just to be clear, the drugs mentioned in this blog are fictional, and real drugs don't actually let you know everything or talk to the dead.

So Far In John Dies at the End.

It started with a party, with this freaky guy who looked like Bob Marley doing magic tricks that weren't possible, such as guessing dreams, which freaked Dave, the narrator, out enough for him to leave. Late that night, he gets a desperate phone call from his friend John, who seems to be hallucinating. After some investigating, Dave discovers that it was this new drug, called soy sauce, that has caused John's strange behavior. Shortly after making these discoveries, Dave accidentally injects himself with the soy sauce. The effect of the drug: knowing what's going to happen next, connections with the dead, and maybe even time travel. After an intense interview at the police station with Morgan Freeman, Dave learns that everyone else who injected the drug had died gruesome deaths. Then John died, that was upsetting for a moment, but then Dave got a phone call from John, so there is still a chance for John. Dave then runs from the police station, and does whatever John says over the phone, in hope to revive his friend. And that's where I am so far. I predict that Dave will somehow meet John again soon, and I really hope more freaky stuff happens to Dave because it's entertaining. Just the little comments in Dave's head about all the weird things that happen to him make me laugh. I honestly didn't expect this story to have as good of a plot as it does, and I'm excited to keep reading. Oh, and it's also a movie for those who also like movies.